It pains me to say that because I love peanut butter. But I mean, really. Does anyone’s school morning actually go like that? Smiling cute kids eating their breakfast in the sun-bathed kitchen, while a crisp, coiffed, fully-dressed, wide-awake mom lovingly packs their lunches?
Our mornings go something like this: the six year-old pops out of bed when his SpongeBob alarm goes off and wanders into our bedroom (where I may or may not still be in bed) carrying at least three stuffed animals and a blankie. He is abominably cute and he knows it. He also knows that he needs to rack up some cute credits because the next step of the morning is getting dressed. This is where it all falls apart. He dislikes and/or is afraid of (not necessarily in this order): buttons, jeans, corduroys, belts, buttons, shorts, collar shirts, Superman underwear, tube socks, buttons, and shoes. Whatever clothing he agreed to the night before has already been dismissed and either tosssed on the floor or hidden somewhere in the room if he thinks we might force him into it. The clothing negotiation takes anywhere from 5 to 35 minutes.
Meanwhile, in a room down the hall: the nine year-old is still asleep, hard. When you go to check on him he is so out cold – face buried in the pillow, limbs splayed about – that you’re pretty sure he must’ve just gotten in around 5 AM. (If you know our nine year-old, this is a legitimate concern.) I turn on the lights, open the curtains and move his alarm clock right next to his head. He stirs, moans, and then waits for whatever threat is coming from me. The only thing that saves him is that he puts on whatever clothing has been laid out for him. (Within reason. A pink polo shirt would prompt an argument.)
Eventually we make it to the kitchen, which may be sun-drenched, but is never a place of happiness or order. The six year-old is probably wearing something horribly mis-matched, but I’m just grateful he’s not wearing a Clone Wars, Ninja Turtle, or Jack Sparrow costume (costumes being the only form of clothing he’s not afraid of) and let it go.
I try to feed them breakfast but it’s nearly impossible to get their attention since they have engaged each other in what they refer to as a “butt battle.” (Yeah, it’s pretty much what you think. At this point, those of you with daughters who complain about having to do their hair in the morning, might want to rethink your position. =)) If I do get their attention they claim that they’re not hungry, which is just so unfathomable to me that I won’t get into it. There is some yelling involved, followed by reluctant eating, followed by them wandering around aimlessly as though this is the first time EVER that they’ve had to get ready for school.
My husband was home this morning during the ugliness (because “work” for him today consists of a golf outing) and was so concerned about the mounting tension that he tried to bribe the little one into agreeing to buy his lunch today so that I wouldn’t have to pack it. (Theoretically my husband could have packed the lunch but that would’ve just resulted in more aimless wandering. Then I would have had all three of them doing that, probably bumping into one another like video game characters.)
Eventually we got teeth brushed, bed-hair tamed, and I launched them out the door to the bus. But it wasn’t pretty. It never is. I think I’m focused on it a little more today because I was excessively grumpy, even for me. It’s not entirely my fault. The nine year-old yanked a tooth out of his head around 11:00 last night – the second one in two nights. Then the six year-old was up three times in the middle of the night, the third time sobbing uncontrollably until I got in bed with him. So sleep (for me) was limited.
Last night was a little bit of an anamoly in our house, so I’m trying not to judge myself based solely on this morning’s boys-to-bus launch. But are other mornings really all that different? Not much. It’s just a matter of degrees. In a weird way I still enjoy it. I know I will miss these mornings someday.
But the bottom line is, peanut butter commercials lie. Or do the rest of you have happy, easy mornings with your kids?
OMG what a nightmare. How do you get anything done? More to the point, since I’m sure your experience is more common to real life than the PB commercials, I wonder how we even manage to perpetuate the species. Thanks for your contribution to not letting us go extinct.
Because I probably would!
I think the obvious answer is that I don’t get anything done when they’re around. LOL! The funny thing is, this year is going much better than last year. I have banned tv, games, everything until they have shoes on, teeth brushed, and are absolutely ready to walk out the door. For some reason things always stall out around the shoe part. =)
Wow! Are you sure we’re not related. Morning routine is a definite struggle. My only thing I constantly tell the kids is get everything done the night before so I don’t have to fuss. Usually it goes off without a hitch but some days are just downright awful.